The Lord's provision

Since we began this adoption process, Mike and I have been amazed at how the Lord has provided for us and shown us that this is the plan He has for us. This past weekend was no exception! On Friday and Saturday we had our garage sale fundraiser and we were incredibly amazed by how everything played out. We had some great friends from our church help out with the whole garage sale, from setting up, working the garage sale, protecting the items by sleeping outside in the church parking lot, and by cleaning up afterwards. We could not have done it without these friends, and we are so thankful!
Another amazing fact is the amount of money we raised...our 2-day garage sale total was $5576.73! I mean really, who makes that at a garage sale?!? I was talking to Mike on Saturday night, saying that this garage sale experience reminded me of the loaves and fishes story in the Bible. When I was looking at everything after we set it up, I couldn't believe that we had all of the stuff in our house at one point! It was like the Lord multiplied not only the amount of things we sold, but the amount of money we made off of what we sold! It was incredible to see what we ended up with, and  so funny to see all of our faces as we asked each other, "WHAT did we SELL to make this much??" We had some really cool experiences at the garage sale that I want to share.
1. A friend of ours from high school showed up at the garage sale on Friday to give us a donation. She works in downtown Fort Worth and she drove all the way to Burleson on her lunch break just to bring us a $100 check! Her sweet gesture really touched us!
2. On Saturday, some of our friends came and hung out with us at the garage sale for a little while, and as they were leaving he slipped some cash into Mike's hand...after they left, we realized they had given us a $400 donation! We were floored!
3. Several friends and friends-of-friends gave us $50 for things like a flower vase, a purse, etc. and many more contributed to our donation jar!
4. Late Friday afternoon, a man drove up and walked up to the table where I was sitting and asked me what we were raising money for. I told him that it was our adoption fundraiser and he said, "Well I don't want to look around, I would just like to give you a donation." He handed me some money and I asked him if he was sure he didn't want to look around for anything and he replied, "No, I just felt like I was supposed to give you this." When he got back in his truck and drove away, I counted the money and realized he had give us $135!! This was a random man that we didn't know who felt like he needed to donate to us. Obviously, He was following the Lord's leading!
With our amazing garage sale total and the additional donations we had already received, Mike and I realized that we have raised $7386.73 so far toward our adoption! Once the birth parents give the go-ahead, our first payment of $8,000 will be due, and we had almost raised all of this. We were blown away about this figure, but the Lord wasn't finished yet! Last night we received a $70 donation, and today we received 2 checks in the mail, one for $50 and one for $500, which took our total to just over $8,000! The Lord has amazed us more each day through this process by providing exactly what we need.
This is also such confirmation to us that we are walking in His will. So many times over the past 2 1/2 years we have questioned what the Lord's will is for us and how we are supposed to become parents, but now we know that this is His plan for us, and that is an amazing and liberating feeling!
To top off this awesome weekend, I also talked to the birth mother today and we are going to dinner with the birth parents tomorrow night at 7:30! Please be praying for our conversation with them, that we would all feel comfortable and at peace with each other, and that they would decide to place their baby with us!
We can't thank you all enough for your prayers, donations, support and love as we continue on this adoption journey. God is so good! :)
Below are some pics of the garage sale so you can see how massive it was! :)
















(Above is the couch Mike and Kip slept on outside Thursday night!)



Massive amounts of clothes!!

Adoption Bug Fundraiser

Thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting us thus far in our adoption journey! We are so excited that things are progressing and moving in the right direction, and we are trying to stay patient and wait on the Lord to work out all of the remaining details. Just as an update, so far the birth parents both really like us after seeing our profile (the scrapbook I made about us) and they want to have a phone conversation with us, which we will have tomorrow at 4:00! If everything goes well, we will then arrange an in-person meeting with the birth parents and both of our caseworkers. Our caseworker said typically we would arrange a time to go out to dinner with them so that it's more comfortable for everyone.

So please be praying: Pray for the birth parents as they make this decision, that they would have a peace about us as adoptive parents for their child. Also, please be praying for patience for us as we wait to hear their feedback and their decision. We want them to feel a peace about their decision, but after 2 1/2 years of waiting, we are also sooooo ready to bring our child home and be parents, so we are anxious! Also, please pray for our finances as we continue to fund this adoption.

On that note, we have a new fundraiser up and running that you can contribute to if you would like to! It's a website called Adoption Bug, and they have set up a personalized store for us through which people can purchase really great t-shirts, and we receive a portion of each t-shirt sold! The link is now up on our blog (to the right!) and all you have to do is click the link and it will take you directly to our store! (You will know you're in the right place if you see a picture of Mike and me at the top!) This is a great way to contribute to our adoption in a way that doesn't cost much for you, and you also get a great t-shirt for yourself out of the deal! Also, if you can't buy a t-shirt, we also get a commission for every time someone "clicks" the Adoption Bug link on our blog, so even if you can't buy a t-shirt, please click away!!

Mike and I are so thankful for the outpouring of love, support and prayers that we have already received-THANK YOU!!

Well, God certainly took the pen...

If you recall from my last blog post, Mike and I decided to end the fertility treatments since it was costing so much money and they were not working for us. We made the decision to take a break and pray about the Lord's direction for us from here. We knew that either In-Vitro or adoption would be our next step, but we were unsure where the Lord would lead us. We just knew that whatever decision we made, we wanted it to be the Lord leading us. A very wise friend of mine has said to me several times to make decisions from a place of peace, not from a place of fear, and I thought that was such great advice. The title of my last blog post was "Letting God write our story"...well, He certainly grabbed the pen and ran with it! And it certainly caught us off guard, but in such a wonderful way!

A few weeks ago, in the midst of this waiting period, I was contacted by a friend of mine from college who told me that the Lord had put us on her heart and she felt like she just needed to share something with us. I have not talked to this friend in several years (probably since college), but we were in the same sorority in college. She has been keeping up with my blog, which is how she knew what we had been going through. She told me that she knew of a young couple who were pregnant, due in September, and have made the decision to put their baby up for adoption. She said the Lord brought us to mind, and she felt like she needed to share with us.

Initially, when I read the message, I got really excited, and shared the message with Mike. Then I started thinking about the logistics and decided that it probably wouldn't work. I thought that 3 months was not enough time to get everything done, so I was quick to dismiss the idea. Mike said, "Let's just pray about it and see how we feel about it in a few days." I'm always so thankful for his approach to situations, and agreed to just pray about it. That night I "left" for a work conference. (It was in Fort Worth, but I stayed in a hotel with my co-workers, so it felt like I was away!) I found myself praying and thinking about this situation and this baby constantly, and when Mike met us all for dinner on Tuesday night, the first thing he said to me was, "Have you still been thinking about this baby?" I just laughed and agreed that I had. Through the course of praying and talking to Mike over the next few days, we decided that whether or not things worked out with this baby, we felt like the Lord was leading us to adopt. We felt like maybe this was the baby for us, or maybe the Lord just used this situation to make the decision for us that adoption is the way we were supposed to go. Either way, we felt such an immediate, overwhelming peace, which is something we haven't felt in this area of our lives in a long time.

I sent a message back to my friend letting her know that we were interested in seeing if adopting this baby would be an option. She then had her friend talk to the birth parents about us, and told me the couple was going through the Gladney Center for Adoption. The next day, my friend told me that the birth parents said we sounded like a great family for their baby, and said they were going to talk to their adoption caseworker about us! That Friday I called Gladney and was told what we would be going through is considered an independent adoption because Gladney is not having to match us with a birth mother/parents. I left a message with the caseworker (who was, of course, out of the office that day!) Then we had to wait for more information from her.

Last Monday, the caseworker emailed me back and said she needed to check with the birth parents' caseworker to see if they had talked to her about us. On this past Thursday (which seemed like an eternity of waiting) the caseworker called me and said she had spoken to the birth parents' caseworker and she reported that the birth parents are definitely interested in us as a possible adoptive family for their baby! So what that means is....

We are starting the adoption process for this baby girl!

We talked to the caseworker about the process briefly and on Friday as we were leaving for our anniversary trip we got the social and medical history on the birth parents, which was great! After hearing this, we gave our caseworker the go-ahead and she put the paperwork in the mail to us (all 60 pages of it!) So now our next step is to get our profile together to give to the birth family, so they know some more information about us, and lots of pictures of us (which I told her was no problem for me!) After that, they will (hopefully) agree to move forward with us and then the next step would be our home study. And then, if everything works out, we will have our baby girl home in 4 months!! (We found out Friday that she's actually due October 11).

This whole situation has been crazy...the fact that the Lord just dropped this in our laps, that He changed our hearts and desires almost in an instant, and that we feel just as excited about starting our family through adoption as we would be if I were pregnant. I can't explain the sense of peace that we feel about this decision...Mike and I just know that this is definitely a God thing.

These next few months are likely going to be really crazy (in a good way!) so we have some prayer requests: First of all, pray for the birth parents to have a peace about their baby becoming part of our forever family, and deciding to go forward with us and this process. Pray for a healthy pregnancy for the mother, and safety and health for the baby girl. Pray for us: we have to come up with the money for the adoption, everything we need for the baby, and if she comes home to us, I will be on maternity leave in a few short months, and won't get paid for the majority of it, so please pray for our finances! We are going to try to fundraise as much as possible, but we don't have a huge amount of time. I am also planning to apply for some adoption grants, but we have to have our completed home study done first, so again, time is a factor. So please pray for us as we begin this next phase of our journey to become parents!

As crazy as these past few weeks have been, we are feeling such a peace about starting our family through adoption, and we know that this is the Lord's path for us. We may still have biological children if the Lord chooses to intervene, or we may adopt all of our children. Either way, we know that His plans are better than ours, and that He uses any means necessary to bring His plans to fruition. I told Mike the other day, how amazing would it be if this baby comes home with us, because that would mean that the Lord used our blog about infertility to bring us our first child...and in 4 months, after 2 1/2 years of waiting!

His plans are always better.

--Becky

Letting God write our story

As I said in my last blog post, Mike and I are currently in a waiting period. We have finished our last month of fertility treatments for now, and we are praying about what direction we need to go next. While we are trying to enjoy the break and each other during this time, it is also really hard to remember some days that this is not the end of our journey to becoming parents. With all of the disappointments we have endured these past few years, it's hard to be optimistic and think the best is yet to come for us. It's so hard to know what the Lord's plan is for us, and if that will include children, and if so, how that will all come about. It is a constant, daily struggle to give it back to the Lord and trust in His plan and His timing. Luckily, He is right there with us, walking beside us and giving us little reminders that He is still working, and His plans are going to be so much better than what we could ever have imagined.

I have been doing a Facebook bible study with some ladies at our church, and it has been really good for me. Basically, we all are reading the same book, usually the same chapter each week, and we have a Facebook group that we use as a discussion board for everyone to write on to share what spoke to them the most. We have been reading the book "Stumbling into Grace: Confessions of a Sometimes Spiritually Clumsy Woman" by Lisa Harper. A part in one of the chapters really spoke to me this week. In this passage, Lisa is talking about letting God author our life stories, even when it doesn't match up to our own plans.

"I am stingy when it comes to handing God the pen. Sometimes He has to pry my fingers loose, but with each new page of my story, I'm learning to trust His narrative more. I'm learning to believe in an ultimate happy ending, even when I don't like some of the chapters He writes, because as Paul reminds us in Romans: 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.' (Romans 8:28). We can become more content by giving God the sole authorship of our biographies."

I think this is such a powerful statement, and so important for us to grasp, but oh so difficult to actually do. Ultimately, I think all believers know and acknowledge that God is the one in charge of our lives, and the one in control of our destinies. But how often do we wrestle with Him for control of the pen? I know I do! Maybe I'm the only one, but I certainly think that sometimes the man upstairs can use a few pointers from me, and a little help to bring my great ideas to fruition. I'm trying to convince the author of my life that I know better than He does how the ending should play out. I think sometimes He must just laugh at my ideas, thinking, "Why would you want to settle for that when I have so much more to give to you?"

Lisa writes in this chapter that she never thought she would be approaching 50 having never been married and never having had kids, but that is where she is. In the same way, I never thought I would be turning 30 without having children, or at least being pregnant. I never imagined that I would have to celebrate 2 pregnancies, only to lose those 2 babies weeks later. I never imagined having to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments and putting my body through crazy physical demands with no good results, but that's exactly how it has happened. In my mind, this is NOT how my story was supposed to unfold! And I know I have told God more than once just how I thought my life should go instead.

But when I am close to becoming overcome with sadness and frustration, I always have to go back to Romans 8:28, and ask myself if I truly believe those words. It says God works ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him...not some things, not most things, but ALL THINGS. That means that God will work good out of our countless fertility treatments, the loss of our first 2 babies, the tears shed and the stress endured. I don't know HOW or WHEN, but I have to trust that the Lord WILL, in HIS timing. And I have to trust Him for that now, not after we have our miracle home with us. I posted a passage on Facebook earlier this week from a devotional that I read that gives good advice for trusting God during the waiting periods.

"A lot of times people think, 'I'll have a good attitude as soon as I get over this health issue' or 'I'll give God praise when I get through these tough times.' But that's not how faith works. As long as we're negative, discouraged, and focused on our problems, it limits what God can do. You've got to give God praise first, and then the breakthrough will come. You've got to change your focus first, and then things will change in your favor. Praise always precedes the victory."

I think this is such a powerful message, but again, tough to put into practice. I am trying to meditate on this and stay in the Word so that I am reminded of these messages. It is so easy to be overcome by the insignificant life stressors that are thrown our way, but it is so hard to remember to trust ONLY in the Lord during this waiting period. No one knows what our story will look like, or when it will come to pass, but until then, I am waiting and trusting that the Lord has plans for our life, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future.

"Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till the next steps made plain will be;
To hear, with the inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.
Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master has pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.
Waiting! Yes, still waiting!
I know, though I've waited long,
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong."
-Streams in the Desert

Latest update

For those of you following our blog and our journey with infertility, I wanted to update you on the latest with our situation. If you have been reading our blog and remember the last post, we were about to enter into our last month of treatments with the specialist before taking a break for awhile. We were diligently praying that my left ovary would respond, since the last 3 months my right ovary had been responding very well, but since that is the side with my blocked fallopian tube, I was unable to get pregnant. We were praying for at least one last good shot at getting pregnant, since we determined this would be our last month with the specialist.

We went through taking the pills and giving myself the shots, and when we went in for the first sonogram, the doctor said that my right and left ovaries were both responding, and they were about even, which was good news. I went back 2 days later and the doctor was really happy to tell me that my left ovary had pulled ahead, and I would definitely ovulate from that side, giving us a much better chance of getting pregnant this month! We were so thrilled that my left side FINALLY responded and went ahead with the IUI 2 days after that sonogram.

Then came the 2 week wait...I always hate this time, but I was relatively calm about this one because I was so HOPEFUL that this could be the month. Everything went the way it was supposed to, and about a week and a half into the wait I began to have symptoms of pregnancy. I was really tired and really hungry, which were my main 2 symptoms with my other 2 pregnancies. I began taking extra care of my body, just in case I was pregnant. We went to Vegas for 5 days for my brother's wedding, which was a great distraction, and got back last Tuesday. I was scheduled to go in for the blood pregnancy test on Friday, and couldn't wait for the day to get here!

Usually about 2 days before I start my period, I have early signs of cramping and I can just tell that I am about to start my period. The last 3 months, I have actually started my period before the doctor even called with the blood pregnancy test results. I took that as a good sign that by Friday, I was still not feeling at all like I would be starting my period. I was also still tired and hungry, so I was just convinced that I was pregnant. On Thursday night, I even said to Mike, "I'm going to be surprised tomorrow if they call me and tell me I'm NOT pregnant....that's how sure I was.

Friday came, and I went in for my blood pregnancy test at 8. They always tell you they will call you after 4:00 that day, so I went back to work to wait on the call. I was nervous, but in good spirits, sure I was going to get great news! The doctor's office called about 1:30, which surprised me, and I picked up immediately. Then came the verdict from the nurse:

"I'm sorry, but I don't have good news for you."

She told me the blood pregnancy test was negative, and I was shocked. I asked her to verify my levels, and even went and took a home pregnancy test just to confirm (as if that would be any more accurate than the BLOOD test!) I was devastated, more so than I have been in a long time. I called Mike and sent out a text to some close friends and family, and then I just lost it. I was SO sure. I just couldn't believe it, and I was so heartbroken I could barely breathe or think. I learned a long time ago during this journey to not get my hopes up, but this month I couldn't help it. My body responded the way it was supposed to, I had symptoms, my period was late for the first time ever while on the fertility drugs...it just didn't make any sense.

We got that news on Friday and have been dealing with it since then. I told Mike that because our hopes were so high and because this was our last month of treatments, this disappointing news was almost as bad for me as our 2 miscarriages...that's how devastated I was. I know that is hard to understand, but I had already begun making plans for this baby that I thought I would be carrying. It was a very rough weekend emotionally, and then I ended up having the period from hell, which only made things worse. I had the worst period I've had in years, and I guess maybe that's why I was experiencing such strong symptoms the few weeks before. Needless to say, not my favorite way to spend a weekend!

Now Mike and I are faced with trying to heal from the past 2 years, trying to understand why this has all happened, and trying to figure out where we go from here. We are taking a break for awhile to pray about the direction the Lord would have us go. The next step for us would either be In-Vitro or adoption, both of which are huge decisions and require lots of money, so we don't want to jump into anything. Plus, our emotions and our hearts need a break. These past 2 years have been a beating, and we want to spend some time just being together and enjoying each other, without the pressure of trying to conceive. I am looking forward to not having to plan our lives around shots, have 6 doctor's appointments a month, and worrying about making sure I do everything at the right time. I am also curious to see what my body does now that I am off all of the fertility drugs, since I have been on something for the last 15 months straight. We are focusing on relaxing, getting healthy, spending time together, and growing closer to the Lord through this time. We aren't tracking ANYTHING this month, and maybe for a few months. We also aren't discussing or checking into other options right now. We are simply taking one day at a time, and when we feel like moving forward, we will start checking into the options of IVF and adoption, and see what we feel is right for us.

We would appreciate your prayers; prayers for healing, for understanding, for patience, and most of all a sense of peace. This month felt very FINAL, like this was the end of our journey, and I am struggling to remember that it's not over, that we WILL be parents one day, one way or another. I KNOW the Lord has plans for us, to give us a hope and a future, and we are just clinging to that right now. I may not have the promise that Sarah did, that I will bear a child, but I do have the promise that the Lord has a plan for our lives, and I am resting in that. I wish I knew what the plan was, or even when it might happen, but then that wouldn't really be relying on faith, would it? This is by far the hardest thing that Mike and I have ever gone through, and I guess the Lord must think an awful lot of us to think that we could handle something like this. As we are about to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary next month, Mike and I are extremely thankful for our incredible marriage, and that we have each other to lean on through these times. We are also so blessed by family and friends who continue to love us, encourage us, and pray for us. But most of all, we are grateful for a loving God who comes alongside us during the hard times and gives us the strength to get through another day, when we don't have it within us to do it on our own.

Waiting

It seems that this week the Lord is speaking to me in a lot of different ways about the same topic: WAITING. I consider myself a patient person, but the waiting involved in the infertility process can test the most saintly person's patience! In the bible study I am doing called, "Surviving Infertility: What the Bible Says About Your Baby Hunger", this week's lesson was entitled "Faith & Waiting". Below is an excerpt from the study that explains it beautifully:

"So much of the fight for our sanity in the quest for a baby is waiting. We wait for the next cycle to begin. We wait for the next round of IUI or IVF. We wait for the blood test. We wait to get past the point of the last miscarriage. Everybody despises the dreaded two-week wait. It seems like all we do is just sit around and wait. Why is it that even God tells us to wait? After a while, we get weary in battle. We can boldly proclaim--at the beginning--that this is merely a season in our lives and we know God will show himself mighty on our behalf. Our faith is strong! But then month after month passes with no baby. Year after year, our nurseries and wombs remain silent. Sometimes faith grows weaker as the wait grows longer."

I know that was a long passage, but I felt that it described the waiting process that goes along with infertility very poignantly. Waiting is without a doubt one of the hardest parts of infertility, especially because there are times when I doubt that at the end of the waiting I will have a baby. It is also such a hard balance of waiting on the Lord but at the same time taking action to treat the physical issues I have that have caused problems with me getting pregnant and with miscarriage. 

In this session in the bible study, the author details the struggle that Abraham and Sarah went through to have a baby. The Lord promised a child to Abraham and Sarah, but they had to wait 25 years for that promise to become a reality. Throughout that time, Abraham stayed pretty firm in his faith, believing that the Lord would follow through on His word. Sarah, on the other hand, got impatient and tried to take matters into her own hands (which didn't go so well!) When the Lord's messengers came to Abraham and Sarah to tell them that they would have a child by this time next year, Sarah laughed sarcastically, because she knew she was well past the child-bearing years. One of the Lord's messengers heard her and called her on her unbelief, reiterating to her that she would indeed have a child the following year. 

I think it's so easy for us to read about Sarah's journey with infertility and say to ourselves, "I would NEVER do what Sarah did, I would never doubt the Lord's promises." But being in the midst of this struggle for a fraction of the time that Sarah endured it has made me really relate to her. Sarah's laugh was not a disrespectful mocking, but a cry of pain and a defense mechanism. I too have laughed and joked sarcastically about never having children, when really it kills me inside to think of that possibility. I have also done that in an attempt to not get my hopes up AGAIN...just for more disappointment at the end of the month. I am so thankful that the Lord allows us to experience all feelings, and He knows us well enough to know what our hearts are crying out, even if our words or actions try to cover it up. The author said it like this:

"He [the Lord] heard the cries of her heart. He knew what she was thinking and feeling even if she laughed to herself. Sarah's laughter said all the things her words were incapable of voicing and God heard every unspoken word. Her silent laughter told all the frustration of all the years of watching other women grow their bellies and their families, while her womb and her tent remained quiet. Her laughter cried the devastation of growing old without grandchildren, of no child to call her 'Mama'. God heard every frustration even though Sarah never uttered a spoken word. You don't have to put your feelings into words for God to know the hurts your heart carries. Sometimes, there are no words to describe how you feel inside. What a relief to know that God hears the cry of your heart, even when you cannot tell Him, or anyone else, what you are feeling."

And despite Sarah's sarcastic laugh and unbelief, the Lord still made good on His promise to give her a child and make her a mother. I have had so many people insinuate (and actually SAY) to me that if I had more faith, the Lord would grant me a child. Or people say, "If the Lord wants you to be a mother, you'll get pregnant, and if not, He won't allow you to get pregnant." I don't believe that. I don't believe that the loving God that I serve is picking on me, or is withholding the joy of motherhood until I deserve it. If we all had to wait to receive blessings until we deserved them, we would all be in sad shape! God finds favor with us when we are unworthy...that's the power of GRACE. I am so thankful for God's grace, especially through this time. Lord knows I have many thoughts that make me unworthy, but I am so thankful that I serve a God who blesses us despite our faults!

The author used the examples of Abraham and Sarah, David, and Joseph to illustrate that God was WORKING during those times of waiting. Abraham and Sarah waited 25 years to become parents. David waited many years to become King. Joseph waited almost 20 years before his dream became a reality. But through the waiting times of these men and women, the Lord was actively working "behind the scenes". I think sometimes we assume that if we can't actually see or experience God's hand at work, then He must be just up there chillin' on his throne, half-asleep, sipping a latte, when in fact, He is working on us and circumstances around us until His perfect timing is revealed. 

There are many instances in scripture that refer to God's timing coming to pass: Things happened "in due time", "in the fullness of time", "at the right time", and at the "appointed time". The common denominator in all of these phrases is that these things happened in GOD'S TIMING. That is such a hard concept for me. There are times when I vehemently want the Lord's timing to be revealed using words like "next year"or "next month" so that I have a clear picture of WHEN our prayers will be answered. But I also know that His plans are perfect and if He is not revealing His timing and His plan to me right now, there is a reason and a purpose. Waiting on the Lord's timing is a DAILY struggle for me when it comes to waiting for a baby, but one way I can see the Lord working during this time is by sending me constant reminders of his goodness, his faithfulness, and the promise that our reward is coming! 

On Friday, we found out that we did not get pregnant this month, and yesterday I went back to Dr. K to begin our next and last IUI cycle. He is being a little more aggressive with my meds this month, and our prayer is that this can get my left ovary to respond, since it has not for the past 3 months. I will take the Clomid and do the injections starting yesterday until Sunday, and I will go back Monday for a sonogram to see if the left side responded. This week is going to be a process of waiting to see if my body responds, and then the dreaded 2 week wait to see if I am pregnant, and if it doesn't work, we will be taking a break and waiting on clear direction from the Lord before we pursue any other options. Our prayer for this month is that the left side responds so that we at least have a CHANCE of getting pregnant. If the left side responds, at least I can walk away from this process knowing that we tried everything we could, it just wasn't the Lord's timing yet. 

I know the waiting for us is not over, and it's definitely not something that I have mastered BY ANY MEANS, but through this season of waiting I am thankful for God's grace, his forgiveness, and His constant reminders to me that He is still present and evident, even during these waiting periods. 

Encouragement and Understanding

One of the main reasons I wanted to share our journey with infertility is to minister to other women going through this struggle. It's an unbelievably hard thing to go through, but going through it alone is even worse. Also, I wanted to bring this issue to light, and help those who haven't been there understand a little bit of what we go through on a daily basis. Sometimes, insensitivity can cause deep wounds in a woman battling infertility, and many times insensitivity is caused by the inability to be empathic.
Okay, I'm going to play the therapy card here and explain what empathy means: Empathy is the ability to feel what another person is feeling. This is different from sympathy, which is feeling sorry for someone. An empathic person tries to put themselves in someone else's shoes. A sympathetic person thinks, "Oh that's too bad for them, I'm glad that's not me"; an empathic person thinks, "Because I can imagine what they are going through, I am going to do whatever I can to be sensitive to their feelings." Empathy doesn't mean that you will ever truly understand someone's situation, but it means that you want to try...and sometimes that is the best thing you can do for a woman going through this difficult journey.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a detail-oriented, organized planner and I like to be informed. If  a client of mine is dealing with something I'm not experienced with, I ask them to educate me, and do what I can to educate myself. Infertility has been the same for me. I have read several books, blogs, articles, etc. for more information, but perhaps the most helpful information that I have found throughout this journey is the encouraging blogs, websites and books that have been recommended to me by friends and other women who are going through or have gone through the struggle of infertility. The factual information is helpful, but the most cathartic thing for me are the personal testimonies written by women who have been there and can put into words exactly what I am feeling. I want to use the platform of my blog to share these resources with other ladies who can benefit from them as well.
One of the reasons I decided to blog about my journey was because of reading a woman named Hannah Bunker's blog. I have no personal connection to her, a friend of mine just shared the link to her blog with me and it has been a great encouragement to me. She is honest, funny, and expresses a godly view of the struggle of infertility. I would highly encourage anyone to read her blog! The part of her blog that contains the fertility posts is called "Waiting for Grace". (She also blogs about photography and blogging). Here is the link: www.hannahbunker.com/waiting-for-grace.
Through Hannah's blog, I found a ministry called "Dancing Upon Barren Land: Spiritual Nourishment for the Infertility Road". This website contains devotionals and prayers designed exclusively for women going through infertility, and it has a lot of great resources linked to it as well. Here is the link: www.dancinguponbarrenland.com.
Another really awesome encouragement to me has been the Stepping Stones Ministry of Bethany Christian Services. They publish a newsletter 6 times per year to offer hope and support to Christian couples who are facing fertility challenges. The newsletters have personal stories, poems, and information that I have found speak to me on a very personal level. The link to this website (including the way to sign up for the newsletters) is at the following link: www.step.bethany.org.
A funny and informative book that was given to me by a friend is called "A Few Good Eggs: Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility" by Julie Vargo and Maureen Regan. Sometimes it's good to just get a good laugh about the insanity of infertility...and insanity it is!
A bible study that I have just started but was highly recommended is called "Surviving Infertility: What the Bible Says About Your Baby Hunger" by Beth Forbus. As I said, I have just started this study but I have heard great things about it.
I hope that you will find some of these resources helpful if you are going through infertility, or that you can pass these along to a woman you know who is dealing with infertility. One of the ways I hope to educate those who haven't experienced infertility is by sharing some parts from several of the above resources about what NOT to do and say when dealing with fertility challenged friends. I always joke that by the end of this I will be able to write a book on what not to say to those struggling with infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss, and I have found several women who have put my feelings into words for me.
The first list that is a must-read when trying to know how to (or how not to) talk to and approach your fertility challenged friends is a post on Hannah Bunker's blog entitled: "The Dos and Donts of Dealing with a Fertility Challenged Friend". She does a great job of expressing this topic, and the link to this specific post is as follows: www.hannahbunker.com/waiting-for-grace-the-dos-and-donts-of-dealing-with-a-fertility-challenged-friend.
The next 2 pictures that I am going to upload (hopefully you can read them!) are from the Stepping Stones newsletters. The first is a short list about things said to women dealing with infertility that can be harmful, entitled "Just Relax". It's in the Mar/Apr edition of the Stepping Stones newsletter, just in case you can't read the picture I post. The second picture is an article from the Stepping Stones Jan/Feb newsletter entitled "After My Miscarriage" that tells you things not to say to a woman who has just experienced a miscarriage. None of these lists are meant to cast blame or point fingers, but rather to help those unfamiliar with the struggles of infertility to be able to relate better and be more sensitive to those in the midst of the battle. I hope these resources will educate, encourage, and speak to my fellow women struggling with infertility, as well as the friends and family we are surrounded by and interact with on a daily basis.